I often used to say:
“Esposa.”
And why not? Sounds like spouse. Probably means the same thing, right?
I discovered this word in an audio lesson. That the lesson had been recorded three decades before I moved to Spain seemed neither here nor there. Early on, I called my partner in crime the “Muchas Cosas Esposa” at grocery checkout. This roughly translates to “Many Things Wife,” my way of subtly informing everyone within earshot of two facts. First, I had not been the one responsible for holding up the line with superfluous goods nobody needs. Second, I am very smart.
Well, eventually my Spanish teacher found out that I’d been saying “esposa” in public. She was concerned that her brain might have actually started bleeding upon hearing me apply it in combination with other words.
“It’s medieval, Reese,” she said. “The plural form means handcuffs.”
She explained that the modern, politically correct way of saying you have a wife is: “mi mujer.” This would be like saying “muh woman” in English. Incidentally, my sense of humor is essentially just repeating things that problematic male celebrities thought were funny twenty years ago. That’s why I go full Borat no matter the language… MY WIFE! ¡MI MUJER!
Recently, mi mujer and I were reminded we’d lived in this apartment for an entire year — when we received a heart attack of a text from our landlord…